Will I survive a zombie apocalypse?

This is a poster in my bonus child's bedroom

This is a poster in my bonus child’s bedroom

Out of all of the horror genres right now, I am a huge fan of zombies.

I love “The Walking Dead”, I love the numerous books and series I have read featuring zombies.  With all of this reading/watching, I have learned one thing:  if the zombie apocalypse happens anytime in the near future, I am so screwed.

Here’s why:

1) I am a walking zombie buffet.  Have you seen any FAT people alive on “The Walking Dead”?  Didn’t think so.  Everyone left is lean and muscular.  My guess is that the fat people couldn’t out run the zombie hoard…

2)  Due to chronic illness, I have limited strength in all of my limbs.  I highly doubt I could use an ice pick to impale a zombie brain in my current state.

3)  I will go blind eventually if I do not have the medications that keep me functioning during my current health crisis.  Yeah, I could knock off a pharmacy if it hits the fan, but injecting medication and trying to run from zombies doesn’t sound too promising.  And some of the side effects of medications leave me foggy and sleepy.  A zombie could sneak up and I would be none the wiser.

4)  Sleep.  At the least, I require 12 hours to even FUNCTION these days, let alone run from a herd of zombies.  So unless I find a fantastic, zombie proof shelter and stay there permanently, I’m screwed.

5) I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle.  In “The Stand” (not zombie, but scary nonetheless), many people choose to travel via motorcycles to drive around the various traffic calamities that plague (ha!) the roadways after the apocalypse.  See Darryl Dixon on “The Walking Dead”.

6) I live in Texas.  Yes, this is a very gun-friendly state, but with the weather, the wildlife and the religious fanatics, I’m not sure I would pick this location to ride out a zombie apocalypse.  In some of the books I read (namely World War Z), zombies freeze.  It rarely freezes in central Texas.  Also living in central Texas, I am an hour to three hours away from three major population centers.  Ask my cousin what happened to Houston after the Katrina survivors showed up.

In my favor:

1)  I know how to load, fire and shoot various firearms.

2)  I live near a small reserve post for the Texas National Guard, and about 20 miles from a huge military instillation and about 60 miles from one of the largest army bases in the country.  Supposing the military isn’t evil, like some of the books I read (Zomblog), I would have either a nifty location to stay in, with fences and barbed wire, or a place to scavenge.

3) I live about 10 miles from a prison.  See “The Walking Dead” for the reasons prisons are a good idea.

4)  I’m a nurse.  I have knowledge that others lack. I am the daughter of nurses and my husband aspires to be a nurse.  We will not be dying of any preventable infection or from bleeding out.

5) I live about three miles from a huge hospital.  In the zombie books (Apocalypse Z, Zomblog, Zombie Games), hospitals are usually bad places to be near, but if someone has the knowledge on how to lure zombies out (apparently all zombies like noise and light) and how to get in…jackpot!

5) I live in Texas.  I know that I also listed this on the “why I’m screwed” list, but I have several relatives and friends who live in the middle of nowhere, complete with fences and livestock.  They also tend to be heavily armed.  Also, the Texas landscape (at least in this part) is so wide open, you can see zombies and other people coming from a mile away.

6)  Dead bodies and gore don’t freak me out.  I have been a nurse for over a decade. I spent a part of my early career in critical care.  I have seen disgusting, infected wounds, horrible hatchet jobs by less than stellar surgeons and one 500 lb lady with green ooze seeping out of her gargantuan legs.  At one time she also harbored a colony of maggots.  I am definitely not squeamish.

7)  I have read so many zombie books and post apocalyptic books that I have a wealth of knowledge on how to kill zombies, flee zombies, trick zombies, provided that the zombies are the ones depicted in popular culture.

I guess it’s a mixed bag.  I hope the zombie apocalypse doesn’t occur until I can at least get this weight and my health conditions resolved.

I am currently reading the “Zomblog” series by T.W. Brown.  I am not disappointed. Look for a review for that series soon.

Here are my postings on the zombie books I have read so far:

Memoirs of the Walking Dead

The Zombie Bible

Westmarket

Zombie Games

World War Z

Apocalypse Z

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. jay
    Jul 29, 2013 @ 03:46:36

    you’ll be one of the first ones to go.

    Reply

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